rAMBLINGS of A pASSION8 hEART

..on knowing him

Jeremiah 9:23-24

 

This is what the LORD says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches,

but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. (NIV)

If I ask you who the Lord is in your life, how many facets of God have you discovered about Him in your lifetime? 

We go through life learning (wisdom), staying fit and healthy (strength), and using what we learned and our capabilities to gain wealth (riches). and by the end of the day, we feel spent...for some they feel a momentarily sense of peace for being successful. Our days are filled of the many tasks that lead us to a life that put God on the sidelines. We run our race, but not for the purpose of winning it for Christ. We run, and go to God when we just feel thirsty and desperate. 

God said he delights when we UNDERSTAND and KNOW Him.

How much of our days are spent just trying to know God?

Lord, forgive us when we go through life forgetting that our sole purpose why we live is to glorify and worship you.. forgive us for pursuing KNOWLEDGE, STRENGTH, and WEALTH, and forgetting that KNOWING You is what delights You.

...oN gOD'S wILL

i realize that i have been wary of the will of the HUMAN BEING. coz i know that as a an agent of FREE WILL,  i may or may NOT DO God's will. and with that i knew that it means GUDLAK TO THE CONSEQUENCES of MY choices. hehe

plus, humans in their FREE WILL can either hurt or protect people around us.. and knowing that we either love the people, as in the case of being protected.. or worse, resent them, as in the case of being hurt by them.

either way, it does put HUMANS in a certain position knowing that they may hold such power either to MAKE US HAPPY or MAKE US SUFFER. 

good thing, there's GOD'S WILL..

God KNOWS everything about us-- our past, present and future. i mean EVERYTHING.

God knew that Adam will eat the forbidden fruit. God knows that i will be writing this blog now. God knows that certain people will come to our lives and exercise their free will on us-- to hurt or to love us. hehe.

and with that KNOWLEDGE, why does God let them happen???? why not prevent them?? i've got no less than an answer to that question. it's all a mystery to me too.

But this one verse i found while i am trying to understand God's will-- 'God's will is for us to be sanctified.' 1Thesalonians 4:3

so whatever it is that's happening to me or to others, it all boils down to God wanting to sanctify us.. But do we even care about that??? sanctification??? it seems like it is pretty important to God.

Then, i guess we should care. =)

(Soroako Trip, june 2006.. my Free Will has brought me to this trip..and coming home after that brought me to willed myself into surrendering TO WANT what God wants for me at that time...Grabe. This was 2 years ago! amazing..)

8:08am

june 07,2008

...oN rHETORICS fR gOD

i told my friends that i'm done asking God questions. but apparently, not. hehe.

i spent the whole day yesterday, in between naps, work, typing, smsing, calling, having this one teeny-weeny question to God, that dogs me everyday, following me silently. i know that ignoring 'my question' was the best thing to do. afterall, God knows everything about me. He knows what He is DOING here. He is in control, right??! right? right.

this past few days, i always ended up reading Job. and this morning, its Job again! not that i'm down in the pits or anything. i'm not at all sad! i'm happy as a bee! (do you hear defensive tone harmonizing here??hehe) really, i am. =) (still trying) but as i was reading the book, God took out that question i have from my heart, hidden somewhere, and showed it to me. it was leashed to me. that's why it follows me like a dog. haler.... and i go like, 'oh yeah! that! i was meaning to ask you, Lord. But i don't want to look Untrusting, or maybe Lacking of Faith. you know?' God was quiet. i could just imagine Him, shaking His head, rolling His eyes to me.

unlike Job, i couldn't ask God 'why?'. but LIKE Job, we both HAVE  questions to ask God. hehe....and in both occasions God went rhetorical.

He asks us back HIS own set of questions. But, like i said, this time it's rhetorical.

"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace

yourself [like a man]; i will question you and you shall answer me.

Where were you when i laid the foundations of the Earth? Tell me if you understand?

what else could i say? me and Job put our hands both to our mouths..

and if Job has an mp3 player, he might have been playing this song in it the whole day long....singing it with all of his heart.

"..Jesus all i have is YOU
You're the hope i'm holding to
i might weep, but still my faith rest in YOu
as the heavens hold the skies
it's YOur hand that holds my life
and Your love will lead me on
when all else is gone..."

June 1, 2008
11:01am

(proof of my so-called happiness.. hehe)

changed for good...

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

(from the broadway musical Wicked)

gone 33...'delighting in despair'

last may15 i turned 33. grabe. time flies past very fast. too fast. as in. =/

one hi-schooler (FNL) girl from church sms me that day and told me that i'm the most ADULT adult she has ever met. as i think about it, i know that deep inside, part of me resides a little girl, stuck somewhere in deepest part of my being-- in short, I AM STILL SELFISH. haha (just choose the right words and make it poetic, then i can easily get away with being SELFISH and SELF CENTERED. hehe)

however we may put the words around the word SELF, it is still SELFISHNESS. When i know my rights and my actions demand that my rights be RESPECTED and MET then it's being selfish...and most of the time this same 'selfishness' hurt the people around us... mostly the people we care about. And THAT brings my soul to despair.

Oswald Chambers wrote on his devotional My Utmost for His Highest (may 24) that there are 2 kinds of despair (1) despair which has no delight... no hope or anything brighter.

But there is this what he called the DELIGHT OF DESPAIR. A despair that springs from the knowledge that "...nothing in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells.." Romans 7:18...and this is the kind that brings you down on your knees and fall prostrate to a Holy God.

knowing that something in me, my own flesh, still finds its way up and resurface again and again, i can (if i choose to) fall into the first kind of 'despair'.

But the presence of a good God reminds me that my flesh is not what is TRUE about me. What is True about me is that I am His child that He has given me a new heart and a new spirit, a new creation in Christ Jesus.

So, as i think about my whole life ahead me, i know that i am a working progress, God's working progress...but i delight in despair coz the badness in me ushers me into falling infront of a Holy God, and in His hand He shall raise me up to His love.

I know that God in his graciousness shall make things right in me and around me. all i have to do is TRUST and have Faith that my 'Despairs' are the ones that have HOPE. and with that, i pray that i may be able to LOVE others and God the way that would bring glory to His name.

happy birthday to me!!

12:12 pm
May 24, 2008 (saturday)

...oN nOAH & mYSELF

like NOAH, i am asked to believe on SOMETHING that does not exist yet. for Noah, it's the RAIN.

Noah and myself might be waiting for something very different, but the level of vulnerability that it exposed me and Noah, i guess, are quite the same.

we (noah and me) have exposed ourselves in ridicule. people have laughed at noah for building the ark. unlike noah, i'm quite confident that people who care for me will not laugh at me, but one thing i'm sure of-- they FEAR for me.

but fear should NOT be the issue here anymore. i kept on telling myself that God knows what He is doing. and whatever happens, i know that He loves me.. and that He is still GOOD. 

psalms 138:8
the Lord will work out his pans for my life--- for your faithful Love, O lord, endures forever. Lord, please....Don't abandon me, for you made me...

this is my now...

this is my now

there was a time

i packed my dreams away

living in a shell

hiding from myself

there was a time

when i was so afraid

i thought i’d reached the end

baby, that was then

but I am made more than my yesterdays

 this is my now

and I am breathing every moment

as I look around

I can’t believe the love I see

my fear’s behind me

gone are the shadows and doubt

that was then

this is my now

I had to decide

was i gonna play it safe?

or look somewhere deep inside?

try to turn the tide

find the strength to take the step of faith?

I have a courage like never before

I settled for less, but I’m ready for more

(...sang and popularized by Jordin Sparks...)

my thoughts precisely... 4 days ago...

__________________________________

march 24, 2008, monday
16:43

Have you ever been the most important person in someone else's life? or have you ever wished that you were?

Often times, we go through life disappointed because we have these certain expectations from others to depend on us, to make us important in their life.

But as a Servant of Jesus, "If you become a necessity to someone else's life, you are out of God's will.." these were the words of Oswald Chambers, writer of My Utmost For His Highest book on today's devotional.

There are times when we aren't aware that we are standing in the way of someone else's growth or healing. That instead of looking to Jesus, we want the people we care about to depend on us for strength, affirmation, and acceptance... and we feel good about life when we become important to their sense of well-being.

But the John, The Baptist said that "Jesus must increase, and i must decrease.." (3:30)

"Lord, i'm sorry for the times when i took your place in someone else's life.. may i not stand in the way of anybody's growth or healing.. but instead let You have your way in anybody's life.. may you use me according to Your purpose and will...and may i not cross the line between being Your servant and being Your 'competitor'. Your Bride (the church) belongs to You alone, The True Bridegroom of the Church.. Amen."

"the bride belongs to the bridegroom..."
John 3: 29

God gave a directive this season... He commanded me to forget about the past.

... but then there is this part of my past that i am remembering right this moment. and i'm quite sure that i am not disobeying a directive this way. hehe. my brain remembers...june, 2003. =)

i was browsing through my email and found hundreds of emails from philippine friends the first month we (kC and i) left for Indonesia to teach.

and with that i remembered...

• the prayer that grew after my mission's trip to Indonesia (2001).
• the answer to that prayer.
• the love of my family.
• the love of a 'sulmit'. =)
• the many set of arms that held me in the airport.
• the pain and longing of a friend.
• the wonderment of stepping on my new room.
• the window panes that held my elbows as i pray for Indonesia everyday.
• the pillows that gathered tears on my bed.
• the new faces that started to fill my heart.
• the new family that God is putting me .
• the little hearts that made me want to stay.
• love losts...more love gained..
• dreams..visions..and promises..

these.. are the only past that, i think, God is allowing me to remember. 

..and remembering them moves my heart in gratitude of a God who planted me right in the middle of His will.. who planned all these, even before i made my first step in Indonesian soil..

"Lord, thank you for bringing me here... thank you for sustaining me all these years... may your purpose be fulfilled in me and around me... use me as you see fit. i will wait for You...Amen."

...oN pOWER nAPS

..just woke up from a loooooong power nap. i haven't taken a nap since friday last week. grabe. now i know why i am sooooooooooo sleepy ya. i like power naps. it gives you power afterwards. hehe..like right now... i can't sleep. gudlak besok.

:-/

I watch the moon
As it rises on your lovely face
I think of all the places
You have yet to go
What a wonder you will know
All the things yet to discover
Like the autumn colors
With all your seasons changing
In this world

I hung the moon
There to shine upon your lovely face
I made the universe to dance
When your heart sings
In hopes that someday you would see
My love uncovered
Like a long lost letter left to lead you home
Never be alone, for...

I have made a promise
And so it will be
This is a promise
Everlasting
I belong to you
And you to Me
So ask Me once again
And it remains
As it was to begin
A promise
And a promise you cannot change
It remains the same

I color life
Like a painting on your heart and soul
I made the wonder and the mystery you dream of
And if that is not enough
I'll never leave you
Of all the things I've promised you
Remember
Love is for always
And I will never change for

So keep on watching
Keep on waiting
Let your soul ignite and shine it
Like a candle in the night
So the promise never dies
Keep it alive

by: M.W. Smith

_________________________________________

i remember listening to this song as i walk on the quieter streets of my university back in the philippines.. I was on my way to meet a Korean mom, who, at that time, was my student in English conversation.. i'm remembering this song, not because of the Korean mommy. hehe. but because last Sunday night, as i wrestle with God with what he wants me to do here, Carol smsd me. In her message, she is telling me to forget about the PAST.. but instead rest on God. That my PAST won't play a role on what FUTURE God has for me, and my family. He will do something better.. greater... all i had to do is believe.

...and the song above, titled THE COVENANT, is exactly what God is tryin to tell me.

"So ask Me once again...And it remains...As it was to begin...A promise....And a promise you cannot change....It remains the same..."

"Lord, i thank you that in Your grace, Your promises to me remains.. that however i may have disappointed you over and over again by my unbelief, Your covenant stays the same..i want to give my Utmost for Your highest... i know that saying I love You to You does not compare to the I love you's You have uttered me over the CROSS.. but here it is..i love you with all my heart... and with all my soul. I love you with all of me.. and with all of what i can be.. and with all what you want me to become..to You i give my all.. whatever Future You may give me, I accept it, knowing that You will be there with me.. May Your will be done in my life...Amen."

11:01pm

 '..but these things i plan won't happen right away, slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. if it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed...'

                                                          habbakuk 2:3

today, and for the past few days, i have almost given up on a dream.. it just seem to be too hard, at times. especially, when nothing in this Present seems to prove that it could happen.

when you're about to give up, a flicker of hope, a slight glimpse of what is for you, is given by a Gracious God, of whom, for the sake of His Glory, all promises given shall be fulfilled..

"lord, i want to let go of this dream... You know how much i really want to let go... help me stay, if that's Your will for me..please, Lord... help me stay..."

...oN sOMEBODY eLSE'S tHOUGHTS

...a good friend of mine posted this on his blog. i like it. and let me share it with you. and to those who can relate, well....deal with it. hehe. well, you can talk to me about it. let's see if i can relate. let see.. =)

_____________________________________________

i (silence) you

by: aleks tan

now silence sits between the two of us
and my heart vaguely remembers
a season not too long ago when
i would but gasp a question
and you sigh your reply

now silence sits between the two of us
these spaces between my fingers
tingle with the faint recollection of
your clasp, your presence, the bygone joy
of hands and wills interlocked

now silence sits between the two of us
we’re so close, yet a world of choices apart
aware of the other’s every breath but
never, as once we did, hearing
the beating of the other’s heart

...oN sONGS fROM mY pAST =)

"...when ur close to tears remember
someday it will all be over
someday we'll gonna be so high" -High, by Lighthouse Family

...the lyrics of the song rang in my head even

when my earphones aren't on my ears anymore. and

as if i can hear the Lord singing the song to

me. cute. =)

...just finished watchin' BOYS and

GIRLS..interesting movie..

cafein just kicked in. gudlak. i need to sleep!!

aaaaaargggggh.

12:23 am

.oN sOME vEGGIE lESSONS =)

i let my grade 2 students watch Veggie Tales earlier. A tomato, an asparagus, a cucumber and a few peaches and peas starred this short cartoon titled "Josh and The Big Wall". It's a veggie-version of the Fall of Jericho. =)

So, imagine a set of vegetables, being attacked with purple Slushees and dressed in table napkins, hoppin around the tall wall of Jericho guarded by French Green Peas. hehe.

Other than IT being silly, it actually portrayed Israel's stubborness on having their own way instead of following God directions...and how Joshua chose to follow God even when it is as silly as bringing a big wall down with just one loud shout.

i guess following God isn't that easy huh? Especially when all odds are against you and it feels like it is just doesn't make sense to hang on....

The Wallmanator 3000. =) The Veggie-Israelites effort on bringing down the walls of Jericho. Silly as it may seem, but sometimes we have our own Wallmanators- the things that we thought works better than God's way...the things that WE DO instead of following God's directions. So what's your Wallmanator??? hehe

...oN dEEP cUTS

i had a disturbing dream last nite.

in my dream, i have a deep cut in my right heel. so deep that you can see the flesh already. but the thing is there's no blood at all. it's as if every drop has been drained.

i didn't know that i'm wounded in my dream. until Somebody stooped down to put band-aid on it. and i went 'ouch!' and looked down, finding a person down in His knees, and the wound being tended. i was even surprised i have it.

i took the band-aid from the Person, and i tried to put the strip myself. But He took it from me and said I needed more than one strip. And He even added that... He will do it for me.

i guess this is one of the reason why i feel so weak today. i'm emotionally exhausted. i woke up from the dream and i prayed..in between sleeps i prayed. each time i wake up, i prayed. for myself, for the people i care about who were in my dream.

"Lord, i guess there's a reason for every woundedness we have and will have in the future. May we always let You keep on getting the Band-Aid from me...from us..and let you heal us..for You are the God, OUR Healer.."

Jeremiah 17:14

"O Lord, You alone can heal me; you alone can save me. My praises are for you alone."

...oN sOMEWHERE stILL

the long day has ended. finally.

i have been imagining myself somewhere...flat on

my back. staring at nothing. not thinking of

anything. or anyone. or whatever that might

occupy some space in my memory bank. i just want

to lay really, really, really still...

today, even breathing is an effort.

...sPEAK-LESS

i can't barely make out a squeak last week.

i had a hard time making out words out of my mouth. usually it's mostly air instead of words. i went on like this for 4 days, mouthing words, and doing 'charades' to communicate... stomping and hizzing works well too! Especially if you are a teacher. hehe

it was frustrating at the beginning. but as i just sit, and surrender to nature's call of being SILENT, i realize that it was comforting.

comforting because....

-i can just watch people.

-i don't feel the need to fill in the silence.

-i can just resort to a head shake, a point on the throat.... and a smile in exchange of a reply to a question.

-i canNOT retort back when people tease me. (that's comforting..atleast we won't end up fighting. haha)

-i can use SIGN LANGUAGE, though. resorting to Punching a person on the arm sends the exact signal that if ONE still wants to see TOMORROW, ONE has to WATCH OUT. ;) (comforting? yes, because i don't need to beat the hell out of a person and shout at the same time. No one will notice. hekhek

-i can just let out a blow of air in response to a question in a fonecall..

-and an EXTRA big blow of my breath to a 'get-well-soon' remark. (sign languages obviously don't work.hehe)

i can go on and on on how nice it is NOT to have a voice. but there is one thing i miss during those times....

:)

...oN aN aTHLETE fOR a bOYFRIEND

it's the last day of my school's sportfest today. i

stayed and watched the closing program.

i sat there in the gym, mouth gaping. i was able to

witness skills, agility, and endurance of athletes,

as each performs well.... and i said to myself,

"shucks. it would be nice/cool/great/watever 'd

term could be, to have an athlete for a 

boyfriend!" and the rest of the teachers around me

looked at me. i realize i was thinking out loud. i

even clapped my hands in glee as i said the

words. gudlak.

and as i sat here infront of my pc, i second the

motion of what i said earlier. hehe.

(langya. kahit ang pangit ang athlete, parang ang

guapo tuloy. hekhek.)

aRE yOU wEARING a sHAME cOAT?

i was googling myself... i mean, i googled my name (yeah. talk about boredom. hehe) and i accidentally came across this blogsite made by my old friends.  my friends kept on mentioning my name on the site that it turned up on the search engine. =D

anyways, one blog was about an excerpt from andrew comiskey's book titled Strength in Weaknesses. i thought i'd share it here juga.

"Shame is the raincoat of the soul, repelling the living water that would otherwise establish us as the beloved of God. It prevents us from receiving grace and truth where we need them the most….

But our Father is faithful. Through the cross Jesus removes every attitude that repels the truth of the Father’s love for us. That love surpasses the cursed thought patterns collected over a lifetime of pain.

Though thick and well suited to repel love, our “shame coats” are no match for God’s love for us, a love revealed at Calvary."

...oN rATIONAL wOMEN?!?

a friend once said that girls are most of the time logical...

ok Men, don’t react on this just yet. Let me explain. In behalf of all women, let me elaborate. (of course, this goes to show that I like what my friend said. hehe)

Generally, women are seen as more emotional rather than rational. ok... fine... Frankly, it did frustrate me how I, myself, got easily disappointed or be hurt by (sometimes) seemingly small actions, especially from people you care about. until I read a book titled Captivating.. and as I think about what my friend said, it actually made sense.

Stasi Eldredge, writer of Captivating, wrote that women are by nature relational. And By Nature means that they are created (by God) originally with it, with a deep sense of finding fulfillment in every relationship they might have—family, friends, and lovers...

and if these relationships around us didn’t work out well, women would feel deep sense of disappointment.. or maybe loss (in the case of broken relationships).. since most women find their sense of being in being accepted and affirmed(relationally), we tend to put high Relational Expectations not only to the ones we love but also to ourselves.

What I mean by Relational Expectations is that we expect the people we love to behave certain ways toward us. and we, in return, expect ourselves to do whatever we can to preserve these relationships. It could be through our mothering capabilities, through our good personalities, or even through our beauty. (yes, beauty has it’s powers.hehe)

Stasi is right when she said, women have a deep sense of longing to be loved, pursued and fought for. and without that in our lives we feel unappreciated, unloved, and insignificant. and all these are found, NOT in the absence of people around, but in the presence and realm of Relationships.

So, when these relationships do not work out, we get hurt. and our hurts are oftentimes manifested through Tears.

i guess this is the Rationale behind that seemingly "fact" about women being too emotional.

after i read the book, and hearing my friend's comment about women, it kinda felt good to know that a woman in tears, is not a woman that manipulates, but just a woman expressing her pain through tears.. and we, often have reason, a logical one, why we feel what we feel. besides, we are, afterall created in God's Image. If men are the Rational Image of God, then we, women, are obviously the Image of an Emotional God. =)

by the way, it was a Guy friend who made that statement about women being Logical..

...and No, I did not pay him to make one. hehe (I just gave him coffee. haha) (kidding)

(DISCLAIMER: due to lack of space, we weren't able to include all the women of the same characteristics in this picture. You have to go to Ica to meet the rest of them =)...and to the men of Ica-- don't be such Amalekites! hekhek.)

...aFTER tHE rAIN

after the rain... streets reflect anything above it.. nature was bathed by the sky that oversees. i guess, the rain leaves the skies and water the ground beneath it. fulfilling its purpose...for growth.. budding plants..a colorful flower..a new beginning.

"Lord, thank you for the storms in my life...to You, i owe everything Green around me and inside me.. a new beginning..(again) a beautiful beginning..."

11:11pm

...oN tIME i'M lETTING mYSELF hAVE

..just finishing my 2^nd cup of my caffeine fix. It’s raining outside. I did not go to work today. feeling terribly sick. and vertigo seems to sneak around if I’m not goin to sleep this through. sigh. but it feels good to just rest and stay in bed longer than you are supposed to. letting time passes you by the minute. feelings of relief and guilt mix themselves like creamer in a black coffee. relief, that I can just be still. guilt, because, I know that the world moves on.. and I was not moving with it. anyways, what the heck. it will move whether I am on it or not. and I’m sure I won’t be missed.

oh well. might as well be happy with this free Time I let myself have. =)

...oN tIME tRAVELLING =)

The Time Traveller's Wife. i read this and learned alot. i think im a better person now.hehe

kidding. ofcourse  not. haler.

it's been a long time since i read novels. they tend to bore me for quite some time now. same plots. same heartaches. same blah.

but this one's a winner. the plot is so fantastic. literally and figuratively.

i think one of the things that made it hard for me to put it down is because it tells a Love Story, very different from the usual love stories i've read from other novels.

a man time traveling (involuntarily) to his past to meet his wife when she's 6 is quite interesting. you'd want to keep on reading because some chapters explained the part where the other chapters were written about. you get my drift??? anyways, you'll see what i mean if you buy yourself a copy.

i guess finally there's something i'm addicted to nowadays besides coffee. hehe

(you can check more about the synopsis on this site. )

i would like to thank my bestfriend who gave me his precious copy. hehe. if you happen to be drinking coffee right now (yung bigay ni rhea) cheers to long lasting caffein addiction and friendship!

...oN sOMETHING tO wRITE aBOUT

one of my bestfriend from philippines was asking me earlier what should she write about in her blog..i automatically told her to write about that book that made her into a basket case. hehe. i don't know if she threw the book during her reading, but it looks like the book is doing a great job on making her cry. =)

(11:01pm)

and now, i'm thinking to myself.. how about me? what should i write about? hmmm. i guess i don't have anything right now that is making me emotional enough to be a basket-of-a-case, if there's such a term, hehe. hooray for that!

i guess, if i'll write something about right now, it would be about Hebrews 11:1.

have a good day, people!

...oN bIRTHRIGHT

It has been 2 years since I read about birthrights…I was fascinated by and got interested in studying the topic. and I have wanted to write about it for a long time.

Several verses in the bible talk about Birthrights. And in all instances it spoke of:

• blessings

• royal succession

• honorable title

• double portion of inheritance

• authority over younger members of the household, and

• spiritual disposition before God

All these were bestowed only to firstborns.

But apparently, most of the passages in the bible that talked of BIRTHRIGHTS, were about losing IT by the firstborns, and gained by the Second Sons.

§ Esau, the firstborn of Isaac, lost it to Jacob. (Gen.25:29-34; Gen.27:36)
 

§ Reuben, the firstborn of Jacob, lost it to Joseph’s Sons. (1Chr.5:1-2)

• Manasseh, firstborn of Joseph, lost it to Ephraim. (Gen.48:15-20)

Esau, Reuben, and all the others, deserve the birthright promised to all firstborns. Although, Esau lost his for a pot of stew, but the Bible did say that it was revealed to Isaac that the Eldest Son (Esau) shall serve the Younger (Jacob), even before they were born.

Jacob and Ephraim were chosen not because they DESERVE IT. But because God willed it.

Tremendous blessing awaits those who are chosen through the grace and mercy of our God.

Now, the question is this, “Will you be willing to avail of the Promise being extended to you, the chosen Second(s)? It's a Promise with a Blessing waiting to be poured down... As one friend told me when i shared this to her, "Why would I refuse it?! specially if there are Blessings involved. hehe" she exclaimed. :) Apparently, she is one of the many Younger Siblings who was doing the responsibilities of the Firstborn.

..oN rAFEE

one of the reasons why i booked my ticket early last september...is to be home and see my first nephew. grabe. ang laki (big) at haba (long) nya for a 2-month old baby! i guess we (mostly my sister. hehe) might grow some muscles during holidays. maskulado si tita!

so there are quite a few baby talks going on lately around the house, mostly coming from the adults. haha... and a few baby cries.hihi.

it is quite a change, especially when you can't take your sister to watch a movie unlike before. :(

but then again, having a new 'man' around the house makes it worth missing a movie or two. hehe

...hOME aTLAST

..still groggy from my 8 hour sleepless wait in KL airport, i took my first step in Philippine soil since my last visit here (which is JUST last July. hehe) well, it might have just been 5 months but seems like it was more than that. :/

finally, i'm breathing the cool air of my country. and the usually breezy cool winds of December signifies Christmas...where leaves gently rustle in the morning until even at noon.

we went to the city today, and true enough Christmas is not only in the air (figuratively) but it, also, is everywhere! Malls and parks are now decorated with Parol (filipino lanterns) and trees are literally "donned" with christmas lights! haha. i guess electric bills run high during these seasons. hehe

anyways, just blogging from my cozy (formerly guest room) room..  which reminds me, i haven't put the bedsheets yet. (i slept in the living room last night) i was tooo tired to even mind. As long as i have a pillow and warm blankets, I DON'T CARE. it's better than KL's McDonald's Table. **

more next time! (Nephew News to be specific. hihi)

i sHALL nOT wANT...

as i sat on the pew earlier tonight i can't help but be amazed on how amazing God is.

before the program began, there i was, feeling so alone. i can't even get my friends to accompany me tonight as i sang for a church christmas celebration. even the ones who aren't close to me weren't there to sit beside me while i sat beside a big, tall, seemingly, stern pastor, who quietly sat beside me at the first half of the program (until he started speaking to me in Tagalog. He couldn't speak too much English. that's why he does not talk, he said. =) apparently,he is a very funny and witty pastor)

i knew from the very beginning that it was not my friends, or even the big pastor's fault that i was alone. it was God's. it's a conspiracy, you see, among angels and the principalities of this Earth. it was a set up.

two weeks before this day, in psalm 23, the passage I SHALL NOT WANT kept on ringing in my head. little did i know that it was a warning of series of tests in my life-- God posted a question for me..if He will take away everything, or everybody around me, would i still TRUST HIM?

to tell you frankly, i had a hard time doing so.

It all started with my WANTS. For the first time in my entire life, i started WANTING??! you see, if there is a QUEEN OF DENIALS, that would be ME. :/ i'm the type who denies what i want. i don't want to WANT, because past has taught me that if you started WANTING, you'll eventually end up with NOTHING. and that HURTS.

so my plan is NOT TO WANT.

But God obviously has different plan in mind.

Apparently, i was made with a WANTING HEART. A heart that longs....for people, for friends, for acceptance, for love, for affirmation... the list could go on.

But, again, God wants me to look beyond those WANTS. but in able for him to accomplish that, He has to remove them. They are kinda blocking my way towards my REAL WANT-- Jesus.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want..."

it took me a bucket of tears, and a few broken hearts to understand that again...and again.. and again. but it's all worth it.

so, as i said earlier, i sat there in church marveling on how amazing God is..

God restored me through a lot of things: through FAITHFUL friends around me, who never gave up on me.. who tried understanding me even if they don't. hehe. (well i can't blame them. i must admit, i get confused with myself juga. :/ )

Restoration even comes from people i barely know. Even the music simply being played by the pianist earlier as i sang-- moved me...to believe and to trust..To trust Jesus-- who is the seat of all my WANTING and DESIRING.

"The Lord is my Shepherd. i shall not want... He leads me through quiet waters. He RESTORES my soul..." Psalm 23: 1-2

...on dreams dreams dreams

I had a dream last nite. slightly weird though.

I was out of town with a bunch of people from church (I think). i was being nocturnal and i could not sleep. so, I decided to go out of the compound where we stayed.

it was dark outside. but the stars are all lit up! so I took a gadget that i've been carrying around like a handphone. but this particular gadget has a camera that will able you to see the sky. If you focus on a particular part of the sky, it will identify what constellation it is. I guess we can call it a Constellations Identifier (CI). haha. I just realized that my dream is quite hi-tech, huh?

then something happened to the stars.. they moved!!! its as if the sky is having the ultimate METEOR SHOWER OF ALL TIME!! imagine gold glitters being thrown in a dark nite with lights making them sparkle. But these stars don’t just slowly fall as glitters would do. They were swirling! it was like they were dancing! grabe. ang ganda.

and... I saw Orion on my CI. hihi.

(wait.. let see what the web says about Orion...)

ok.I just searched the internet about Orion. It says in the web’s ever-faithful WIKIPEDIA (hehe) that Orion is a mythological character of a Hunter and is one of the most widely known constellation due to it’s size, visibility and the presence of the 3 aligned stars (Orion's belt), known as the 3 Kings in some countries (including mine).

and you know what???? the net said that Orion apparently have METEOR SHOWERS that occurs throughout October and early November. Showers were at it’s peak around October 21 and 22, as many as 60 meteors per hour. They call this meteor showers ORIONIDS.

And apparently, Halley’s Comet is one of those that decorate the skies during an Orionid event. But, Halley only joins the star 'dance' in every 75 years. I guess I’ll have to see Halley then with my grand children, and with their Grandpa. yihi.

so apparently, my meteor shower dream is quite factual. and maybe PROPHETIC. hehe J

Orionid meteor trail is seen slightly below the picture. The horizon (land) is slighly curved due to  the edge distortion of the lens. nice noh? who would have thought i would see them first in my dreams??? weird.

...oN a kOI dREAM

... had a weird dream some nights ago.

in my dream, i was walking alone one

afternoon.. sun was about to set, that it

casts an orange overcast sky. on this path,

tall grasses grew on both sides of the

path. breeze was blowing softly on the grasses.

while i was treading the said path, there

were FISHES of different colors crossed my

path! one was white, one was red with black

stripes, one was...i forgot.. i was confused

for a bit. then, i heard a voice in my

dream telling me that i could pick one fish..

and i didn't have to be afraid (because i

was. i remembered feeling afraid that if i

did take one, it would just slip from my

hands)

..and so i took one. and it did stayed in

my hands! as if the fish knew that it was

meant to be chosen.

i woke up wondering what is it all about.

the next night, i accidentally read about

KOI fishes of japan (and china). and these

fishes are domesticated and comes in

variety of colors.. and they look

like the fishes i had in my dream!!

and guess what's the literal translation of

KOI, other than FISH?

LOVE and AFFECTION! haha.

i feel weird.

8:08pm
November 16, 2007

...oN iNNER sPACEs

8:08 pm

nope... this is not what you think it is. this blog is not about the invasion of unknown space crafts, people..

Virology termed them BACTERIOPHAGES.

they, apparently, are on our side! conquering bacterial world, and destroying millions of harmful bacteria.

these bacteriophages are viruses that eats bacteria from its inside. Like spaceships, they land themselves at the surface of the bacteria, and inject the DNA in it. Once the genetic material is inside it will replicate itself until it makes the bacteria burst, thus, destroying the bacteria altogether. sounds like fun, huh? yez. hehe

ok, Bible time naman!!! include natin si Lord sa usapan.

you remember the story in the Bible where the Nile river was known to have healed Leprosy? Science have theorized that the healing powers of the said river could be due to these good viruses. galing talaga ni Lord.

Behold!!!! the T4 bacteriophage under electron microscope... taga kain ng bacteria sa ating EBs. hihi.

Artists rendition of T4

and while i'm at it....eto pang isa! Computer rendered naman...saya =)

...oN sOMEBODY lOVING mE...

6:06pm

It was an unusually cool day....been wearing my light sweaters lately... even sleeping with a sweater around me was comforting and therapeutic..

anyways, as I was saying.. it was quite cool lately. and I’m finding it very, very nice. I feel loved whenever the weather is cold. I don’t know why...

but....

....as i was walking on the school corridors yesterday. my eyes were automatically focused outside- to the kids playing on the fields, towards the sky... and I was wondering when it is going to rain. like I said, I feel loved when it does. =)

..then a door from one of the classrooms opened, and out came one of my co-teachers. “I love you, Miss Cheloy!”, said she with a smile on her face.

...and without thinking I blurted, “Why?”

...gosh. so much for being confident of being Loved, huh?

....that day, I thought to myself, and asked myself, why did I asked WHY?? Don’t I believe the I can be loved without reasons? that I will be loved JUST BECAUSE??

Though my co-teacher said that she LOVES me, period, I knew that deep in my heart I had or have WHY questions... The bible did say that IN THE ABUNDANCE OF THE HEART, THE MOUTH SPEAKS, right? =)

aduh. gudlak talaga saken. hay. magtatampo na naman si Lordie neto.

“Sorry, Lord....”

A grade 2 student hurriedly put this on my desk, and ran as fast as he could. nahiya pa daw ba. =) cute cute...

...oN tHE aBSENCE oF fEAR

the greatest honor a friend could give ...loving even when they saw through translucent skins.... seeing everything..knowing every ugly possible detail... d nooks and cranny spaces in ones heart...that hides the softest part of you...

willing to come through..willing to hope.. willing to hold ones hand, if life crashes down on you....and i shall be in awe..that its possible....

.... in the absence of fear. 

...oN mISSIONS

Aa (my youngest sister) sent me a snail mail!!!! it is soooo good to recieve a letter via postman...and being able to read the mail through the person's own handwriting is just comforting and therapeutic, especially today. =)

Anyways, in her letter, she wrote that she has this calling for Missions. MIssion to the UNREACHED PEOPLES GROUP of other nations.

Happy ako for her... As in.

Because i remembered myself years ago when i first decided that i want to be a missionary somewhere outside Philippines.

in one Missions seminar i attended, it showed us that in the OLD TESTAMENT, God's plan is for ISRAEL to shine, bringing people toward itself to show God's glory. When Israel failed to attract people to itself, God, then, commanded his disciples to GO FORTH and make disciples of all nation.

And another seminar i attended, the speaker showed us a graph, where percentages of christians, buddhist, hindu, and islam were tabulated. The figures shown in graphs were staggering. Seeing that the number of Hindus, buddhists, and Moslems are much, much higher than the numbers of Christians, is surprising and saddening at the same time..

i went home that day burdened.

i knew then that i want to be part of God's operation to reach other people other than the people in the church that i go to in the Philippines.

i guess that's what made me move out of my country and settle in Indonesia.

God made me into a teacher??!! (who would have thought i will love teaching?!) teaching grade 2's for almost 5 years. i have never felt such feeling of belongingness in other places except when i am around my students.

The children,i believe, is my Mission Field. =)

i really believe that Missions and Ministries are not confined in churches alone.

Missions is where you are most influential, gifted, and where you get to have as many connections everyday and every waking moment of your life.

It could be your own family or where you work. LIike i said in my previous blog, your WORKPLACE is one of the strategic places for doing Missions. These people know you and can see you in a day to day basis. It's the best place to shine forth...being a christian in a place where you are least expected to act CHRISTIAN. hehe.

As i was closing my sister's letter to me, i can't help but be happy for her.. i know that the burden that she has for the unreached peoples of other nations did not come from her own. She is, actually, the shy one among us siblings. Don't you know that you can't even leave her alone in a mall when she was 12??!! she will eventually cry, due to feelings of abandonment.haha

So, as i pray for her tonight, i'm sure that the Lord is already at work preparing the way for her, 'leveling the mountains' for her....just as how the Lord leveled the mountains for me, making straight paths, to go to INDONESIA.

(Prambanan Hindu Temple.. at night,flood lights shine heavenwards shows intricate details of the said temple giving an eerie feeling.. gave me goosebumps that night. hehe)

__________________________________________________________

Isaiah 45:2 and 3b

"I will go before you and level the mounains;
I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron.... so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who CALLS YOU by name.."
______________________________________________________________

..wE R wITHOUT eXCUSE

...just arrived from school. some hi-school students were diligent enough to forget about being nganggur during this 10 day-vacation, and have asked a few teachers to help them catch up in their school-work.

i was asked to help tutor in physics. as i was reading their book yesterday, i was, again, amazed on how simple, mundane things around us can be quite complex.. and Science, here, is trying in its best capabilities to explain it.. but sometimes...to no avail..hehe

again, it's Man's attempt to explain the complexities of creation.

it's not at all surprising how even some uncivilized tribes and unreached peoples group, have oftentimes have their own ideas of a god. i guess just by looking around them would give them enough evidence that somewhere out there, a Higher Being is making things work:

 

sun rising  

sun setting  (rising man or setting, the Sun is never late... i guess Ram cannot be a Sun in his past life,huh?? hehe)

the way of the bees guarding fat queen bee.

the way of the ants storing food (buti pa sila pumipila..hehe. taga UP??)

the way of the bear mothers with their cubs (if you are a bear, how would know you're not licking someone else' cub!!??? "ah, ma-tamis..kapit-bahay ko 'to.. maasim si Junior e. nyiiiiiiih =D )

the way of birds migrating across the earth (lugi Airlines sa mga birds. Meh frequent flier miles na 'tong mga toh, i bet...) 

the way of the caterpillar during metamorphosis (when do a certain caterpillar know that he/she is a BEAUTIFUL butterfly??!)

grabe.

i could go on and on about the mysteries and beauty of nature, but enough proof has been said.

It all points to one fact, that amounts to .... the TRUTH: SOMEBODY made all these. pasti.

kung ATHEIST ka, ewan ko nalang sayo.

________________________________________________________

"..for since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his external power and divine nature--have been clearly seen (Science, on observation), being understood (making hypothesis, and confirming it) from what has been made, s